This is largely inspired by K (and her blog). Who is amazing. And way better at Chinese than I am! And yeah...Um, I wrote it as a poem, which wasn't what I intended on doing actually but it turned out poem-ish so I changed it into a poem and reworded it so it rhymed kinda...but I don't really know if this works with Chinese, since I've never formally learned literature-y Chinese. So don't bash me if this really makes no sense, okay? For a girl that learned to write a year ago, I think I'm doing pretty well! XD
但你走到你生活最艰难的时刻，
但生命变得更加痛苦与寂寞。
你会发现人生能接受无数的伤害。
我不会被打败。
从你说“我爱你”的那天，
我决定要跟你飘落到天涯海边。
不管这条路有多苦或甜蜜，
我也不会放弃。
你话后藏的什么我是看不见的。
你背后站的谁我是认不出的。
可是我懂我自己心里的感觉，
我只能相信。
你背叛了我的信任，
把我的爱变成了恨。
你离开以后，我才真懂寂寞。
是我的错。
可是现在的我就是证明。
失去了你，我也行。
我永远不用再问你是否爱我，
因为现在我只是为我自己活。
我的生命都已经写到这张了。
用我这双手，我会继续写出我的故事。
我需要的不是你，而是我自己。
我不会退后。
这是我的未来。
This is something I wrote in dedication to a friend that I wish I didn't have to leave. This is for you, Taiji, my best-y forever. I'll always be here, and no matter what life puts you through, I'll always be your safe-haven. Thanks for being there for me, and know that I'll always be here for you, too.
I watch as she turns away,
Every step bringing her closer to him, farther from me.
She smiles.
I watch as she learns to love,
Day by day, by his side, protected and loved.
She laughs.
I watch as she passes,
Always with him, someone who just might understand.
She’s happy.
I watch as she walks,
No longer needing the protection of her friends.
She shines.
I watch as he leaves,
I see the walls crumbling in around her.
She cries.
I watch as she builds,
Mile high walls that I can no longer break through.
She forgets.
I watch as she cries,
Day in day out, wishing that I could reach her.
She slips away.
I watch as she looks up,
Searching for a ray of light to save her.
She remembers.
I watch as she stands,
Once again embracing the light of our friendship.
She returns.
I watch as she reaches,
Towards the new dawn, friends hand-in-hand.
She heals.
I watch as she heals,
And the happiness slowly returns to her face.
She’s loved.
- Jessica Hao
I'm not going to tell you who inspired this poem, but you know who you are, and it may have taken me forever to figure this out, but my heart has been with you this entire time. I miss you. And whether or not you've chosen to move on, you'll always be a part of me. This is for you.
I’m sitting on the granite floor,
Living, breathing, loving you.
Always craving something more,
Hating, needing, wanting you.
I lie awake in bed at night,
Seeing, hearing, missing you.
Erase the line from wrong to right.
Thinking, dreaming about you.
I walk alone through pouring rain,
Wishing to be here with you.
I sit, I smile, I hide the pain,
I know my wishes won’t come true.
These words may never reach your eyes,
But still I write these words for you.
Please know that out of all goodbyes,
None was as hard as mine to you.
You will always be my knight in shinning armor.
- Jessica Hao
I'm actually pretty sure that this was from an assignment this year that we did for English to help with our descriptive writing. However, I like it, so I think you should see it too! It doesn't really rhyme (sorry Kathy!), but it's still a poem...I think...?
The night, like a blanket, casts it’s shadows upon the world.
Stuffed full of lost hopes, dreams, desires…
Muted reminders of our pasts.
The stars, dancers of the night skies.
Circle…once…twice…
Harmonizing a world we don’t know.
The moon, the shape-shifter, the guardian of the night.
He hides himself, showing only what he wants us to see…
Never will we know.
Until dawn, when the sun illuminates the depths of the darkness.
Blowing away the folds and revealing…
Tomorrow.
- Jessica Hao
Something I wrote a while back. No, it wasn't a good day. Like I said, who writes on good days anyways?
Just outside, I see the rain,
It rustles through the trees.
Just outside, I see your shadow,
But just as I reach, he flees.
Just outside, I hear your voice,
It wipes away my tears.
Just outside, I see my reflection,
And all my thoughts and fears.
But just right now, outside the glass,
Held tightly closed with a clasp.
Are my wishes, my hopes, my dreams and life,
And I reach, but I just can’t grasp.
- Jessica Hao
No, this one's not emo...although a lot of them kind of are. And I'm not emo...I just write when I am! I mean, who the heck writes when they aren't? Anyways, I don't remember why I wrote this poem...Oh wait! Library period! I got inspiration from cracked glass by the computer lab! Ah-hah! Enjoy!
It’s an ordinary day, you walk into a room.
Unaware of what it’s hiding, unaware of what to do.
Chasing a simple shadow, one that’s gone too soon.
Alive within confusion, belonging to only you.
You see a simple mirror, gently left askew.
Hidden in a corner, hidden far from view.
You look within to discover, what you never knew.
Alive within confusion, belonging to only you.
A broken pane of glass, a splintered window too.
You look outside to find, the glistening morning dew.
The heightened looming shadow, has finally let go.
The light has once again, illuminated you.
- Jessica Hao
This was something I wrote before I moved to Shanghai. And as much as I had thought that my life had ended, I've learned to accept and love here as well as back home. I just want you guys to know that the healing process takes time, but it does it's job. This one is for everyone.
The trees out here are still the same,
But blossoms, they do not carry.
The birds that sing are still the same,
But they make me no more merry,
The rain out here, that beats the ground,
No longer does it sooth me.
My home, the land I’ve come to known,
Again, I’ll never see thee.
Over and over, I question their choice,
‘Why must we leave what we know?’
And over and over, I mourn the loss,
Of the land that I have let go.
But the clocks keep ticking for time does not wait,
And dawn will break once again.
I’ll learn to know, and learn to love,
And perhaps learn to accept again.
- Jessica Hao
Believe it or not, I actually had a writer's block...so I wrote about it! And, as strange as it seems...I wrote something! So here:
You allow your mind to silently reach,
For the words that yield your silent speech.
The quivering pen, beside you lays,
Silence has seized all your days.
The silence is deafening, cold and bleak.
There is little one can do, when one cannot speak.
Both pen and your words, leave you crying in blackness.
Both voice and ink, leave you lying in darkness.
You reach and you grasp, but still are held back.
You wait and you wait, yet words, you still lack.
Then suddenly it comes, all flooding through.
You pick up your pen, as it overtakes you.
- Jessica Hao
Dr. Jane Goodall, the renowned primatologist and founder of the Roots and Shoots Organization, gave a lecture at the University of Windsor last year, which I got to attend with five other students from my school. She inspired this poem, and everything I do today, as a member of the Shanghai American School Roots and Shoots Committee.
The raindrops gently brush my face,
They wash away my sorrows.
I wish I could undo the harm,
And let you see tomorrow.
I know you’re willing to forgive,
I wish that I could help you.
But all my drowning muffled pleas,
Could never make it to you.
I feel the beating of your heart,
The pulse that lies in nature.
I see the beauty of your land,
A beauty we must nurture.
Your teardrops gently brush my face,
They wash away my sorrows.
I wish to do the same to you,
And make a bright tomorrow.
- Jessica Hao
I used to live in a little place called Windsor, Ontario, Canada just across the Detroit River from Detroit, Michigan. There was a little patch of woods behind the South Windsor Arena (I think it's actually called the South Windsor Activities Complex or something) and the place where I always went through when I went for my weekend runs. And, quite obviously, it was my happy place. So when I was feeling down and wishing that I was running, I wrote this about it. There's just something about a run that lets you leave behind everything you feel and just be free. I needed that most then, and this will always remind me where a part of me still lives.
Even though I’m all alone,
Out here, you always find me.
Your voice, your love, it never leaves,
Out here, you always catch me.
Out here, your music feeds my soul,
Out here, you drown my sorrows.
I see the birds take to the sky,
Their strength I need to borrow.
Hear my un-relinquished prayers,
Let my soul be taken.
Release my final trapped heartbeat,
Please take what I have given.
For now I know I’m not alone,
Out here, you’ll always find me.
Your voice, your love, need never leave,
Out here, your song will catch me.
- Jessica Hao
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